My ipad is so hot right now. This phrase makes me smile and makes me feel like I am so much fun.

I have been reflecting on things in my head last night. I remember some of the things I figured out.

1. I should really let go of the need that someone thinks I am the best. There is no need for anyone to think that I am mesmerizing or the most special. I did love that feeling, but the fact that that someone might not feel the same way now, does not mean that I am not mesmerizing anymore :)) It just means that I was never mesmerizing for everyone, I was just that to him and now he changed. Different things mesmerize him.
2. Even though it brings so much comfort when you are held, it is totally fine not to be held. The most important thing is that you work on making yourself better.
3. I read that passage on instagram yesterday that I can appreciate what was but at the same time know that the future can be good too. I don’t have to cling to what was. It was nice the way it was, I loved it the way it was. The future can still be good. In case of my life, if I leave, the life will be different and can be good too and if I stay, the life still has to be different and I have to come to terms with that too and know that there can be beauty here too.
4. The same woman said: you are worthy of the love you bring. This reminds me that I used to love without the need from the other person to love me back. I didn’t think that the other person didn’t love me back, I just didn’t think about that at all, because it wouldn’t change my love. I liked that feeling. This is how it should be. Not being reciprocated is not a problem in love, it’s a problem in sacrifice. When I worry about “whether I am giving too much”, this does not concern love, it concerns my time. So I should make choices and take into consideration the reciprocity in terms of time and sacrifice. But I should not confuse this with love. But when it’s hard to love someone is not when you feel that they don’t love you but when you feel that they might be treating you unfairly.
5. I just want to know that I am needed. More than being loved, the feeling I enjoyed was the feeling that I was needed and that I had something to offer that gave him perspective and made his life better. I still believe I have that in me somewhere, I just have to practice more of it. My day to day life did not give me the chance to practice it. That life made me doubt that I ever had that quality at all. I still have that doubt but now I think that the environment I was in, did not ask from me that. I thought that the stressful environment would help me practice my skills and get better at it but these five years showed me that it did not.